They say there will be a second wave. They say many others will suffer. They say life will never be the same. Yeah, man. There will be one constant before and after this mess: you will never pick up your screen and read mostly good news. That shit doesn't sell very well. We are bad news junkies. Sure, you might get a few happy headlines sprinkled in from time to time, but overall, the message is clear--you need to be very watchful for everything and everyone because life wants to bend you over and destroy your anal cavity. Well come at me, bro. I have guns, ammo, toilet paper, and preserved foods. I have enough porn and old sitcoms to last me four lifetimes. I will survive like a damn cockroach. Milly Marks is pretty wonderful, even if she finds us all too conventional.

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